It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i came on her dog
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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