i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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