From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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