THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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