Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
