She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
