I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
