His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
