yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
