The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
