If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
