Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
