White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't put those talents on a resume
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
