i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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