So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize