At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
