It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
