i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
