just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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