Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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