Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
