I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
