a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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