How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
