i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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