i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
