My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
