I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We need a shit load of segways right now
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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