He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
