i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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