You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
this beer tastes like vomit already
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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