Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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