help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Success! We fucked roommates!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
