I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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