I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
