I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
