You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
