i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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