He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
