The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
