so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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