By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
