Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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