3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we're making bets on your personal life
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
