I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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