I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
