so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my shit smells like andre
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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