As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
