i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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