I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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