Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
