shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
