I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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