Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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