Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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