Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am one with the molecules
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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