He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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