she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
