So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
