So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
