before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
