Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
